Recently we were featured on the Push to Start podcast. During our segment, we discussed the orgasm gap between men and women, and the stats were well…kinda shocking and heartbreaking.
What is the ‘orgasm gap’?
The orgasm gap refers to the fact that men have more orgasms than women during sexual encounters. For instance, 36% of women have never had an orgasm in their life.
- Women have 1/3 the number of orgasms as men.
- Men are more likely to believe that their partner had an orgasm when they actually didn’t.
- 67% of women have faked an orgasm (not really surprising).
- Only 6% of women have an orgasm every time compared to 96% of men.
- Most women believe their partner cares if they orgasm but 72% of their partners did not try to help them climax after their orgasm.
- When people have sex with a familiar partner (FWB, relationship, partnership etc.) compared to a one-time hookup partner, they are more likely to have an orgasm.
- Women who have sex with other women have significantly higher orgasm rates.
Why does this gap occur?
I’m glad you asked. It could be any of the following reasons or all of them combined.
Lack of communication
Often times people do not have open communication with their partners about what is pleasurable to them. The truth is no one knows our body like we do. It is important to learn what you like and dislike and communicate that to your partner. Most women do not orgasm with penetration alone, therefore if you need and want clitoral stimulation – tell him! The good news is that orgasms increase with age which could mean that people feel more comfortable talking about sex and pleasure as they get older or they are having sex with a consistent partner.
Lack of comprehensive and pleasure inclusive sex ed
I never remember learning about the benefits of having sex during my sex education course, which means I definitely never heard about pleasure. There are a few curriculum developers working to create lessons on pleasure. Because self-exploration and masturbation are rarely mentioned in sex education most people rely on what they see in porn. However porn ≠ reality.
Double standards in sexual expression
There is often a stigma associated with women communicating what they want sexually and being autonomous. Women are often expected to enjoy sex and not say anything, which often leads to women faking orgasms. We know that this stigma is more prevalent among women of color who are often hypersexualized and exoticized. Therefore, discussing what pleases them, directing their partners, and taking control of their pleasure may lead to derogatory labels.
Focus on the male orgasm
In pornography, the focus has been on male orgasm. Also since male orgasm facilitates reproduction more attention is usually placed on male ejaculation.
Lack of knowledge about the clitoris
🗣THE CLITORIS IS THE KEY TO WOMEN’S ORGASMS. Most women require clitoral stimulation to achieve an orgasm. Clitoral stimulation for women and penetration for men have to be seen as equal in order for both parties to achieve orgasm.
It’s time to communicate, destroy double standards and stigma, gain more knowledge about the clitoris, and learn more about pleasure in order to bridge this gap!